The forbidden K-word that still pops up at private social events

Picture the scenario. You are invited to a family social gathering. You look forward to socialising with your besties and close family. While standing around a braai, the conversation jumps from one topic to another as the beer and wine flows freely. Someone unsurprisingly, raises the topic of race and discrimination; the conversation becomes uncomfortable and the inevitable happens, someone mutters the K-word!  There is a brief momentary silence (all of 3 seconds) and someone else adds fuel to the already lit blaze of discrimination. Although you feel very strongly about racist behaviour, you remove yourself from the conversation awkwardly and maintain your silence indefinitely.

On your way home, you find yourself pondering the events and discussions of the afternoon, and wonder if you had done the right thing by remaining silent during the racist tirade of people you’ve come to believe is your support base and the fabric of your being. Although you have differing views on the topic of racism and discrimination, you ponder whether you should have “upset the apple cart” and reprimanded the offending instigators. The fear of losing or falling out with close friends and family is something you cannot afford, so your silence vindicates you from being a part of that act of blind racism. You feel that it was enough protest to voice your position on the subject.

Alternatively, had you voiced your opinions and reprimanded the offenders, you may have undoubtedly fell out of favour with your closest brethren and possibly never invited to a family gathering again for fear of you “upsetting the status quo”. Nevertheless, you felt that the conversation was reminiscent of the type of conversation you may have experienced in the bad days of apartheid. You feel that you have progressed and learned enough since then, yet are saddened that there are still people within your social circle who share the same views they have shared more than 20 years ago.  You feel the democratic dispensation of 1994 has done little to quell the thoughts and misdeeds of people closest to you, and disparagingly, your community as a whole. As you ponder, you reason, that, countering the racist argument would fall on deaf ears, because it would be similar to having an argument with a 4-year old, on why he should not be eating lots of sugary sweets and luxuries. You therefore feel helpless under the circumstances, and resign yourself to accepting that you are powerless in changing or influencing the thought patterns of people set in their old fashioned racist ways.

You wonder if it’s worth abandoning your social circle for the sake of your ethical beliefs. If not, are you also a silent racist like them or do you believe your reaction was justification in maintaining your social circle, and the silent protest enough to voice your difference of opinion?

In hindsight, my silent reaction to a recent racist conversation, was unacceptable and I should have done the right thing by reprimanding the offenders and cement my stance on all acts of discrimination.  By remaining silent, I betrayed the victims on the receiving end of racism (all people of colour, including whites) and my loved ones who I have taught to speak up against such discrimination. Never again will I remain silent in the presence of old fashioned racists who display very little knowledge of the pain caused by Apartheid on the millions of people (and their ascendants) in this country, let alone their own families and communities. The only way to rid the scourge of racism is for each and every one to speak up against, and forbid any form of discrimination in their presence…….albeit a childish prank played out by supposedly elderly, responsible men who should know better.